Monday, July 09, 2007

Pip, come here girl! Pip! PIP COME HERE! For fuck's sake Pip, come...!!!



Oh dear. Another tale of dog-owning woe. One minute you're enjoying a healthy walk with man's best pavement-fouling friend, the next minute said 'friend' is 'spooked' by another hound and promptly legs it never to return.

But, what exactly does 'spooked' mean?

The only dog I've ever seen being 'spooked' by another dog is when Scooby Doo is walking around some supposedly haunted amusement arcade situated in the middle of a swamp that Shaggy has already observed to Fred, Daphne and Thelma, "... sure gives me the creeps" when his nephew Scrappy Doo (irritating and pointless) comes up behind Scooby and taps him lightly on the shoulder. Thus causing Scoob to spin round in terror and leap into Shaggy's arms.

But somehow I doubt this is what happened to 'Pip'.

What then? Surely, surely, shurely, shirley... she wasn't spooked just because she SAW ANOTHER DOG?????? Don't tell me our Pip is that stupid. After all, she isn't exactly a spring chicken in dog years, she's eight. (She isn't a spring chicken at all of course, she's a dog.) The point is, she's not young and naive.

So she MUST HAVE SEEN OTHER DOGS BEFORE. But what went wrong this time? Did she have some sort of flashback to an unpleasant incident in her puppy-hood that the sight of this other dog returned to her in appalling detail? Perhaps a memory of abuse by a strict father? Or the recollection of what happened the first time she shat on the living-room carpet?

Whatever it was must have hurt like hell on the inside and, in the manner of a Vietnam vet nursing serious mental scars from his time at Khe Sanh, dear old Pip cracked and ran off, barking.

And the only personal item on her is a green tarten (sic) collar. So not much to go on.

There is however a cash or '£cash' reward. Not sure how much '£' amounts to, might be better to put an exact number so at least potential rescuers can gauge the relative desperateness of the situation.

Of course all this conjecture may be academic since, as you can see from the date on the poster, Pip went missing a few months ago. So it's quite likely she's been found safe and well by now.

Unless of course she hasn't.

In which case, RIP PIP.

2 comments:

design by accident said...

I'm pleased you haven't disappeared- your rubbish is a lot better than all the other rubbish. Particularly mine. So. Why didn't they specify the value of £cash? He wanted to, but she thought it was a waste of money, and she's hoping the dog never comes back, so they reached an unspoken compromise.(?)

Scamp said...

Also, dogs can't read.