Thursday, February 01, 2007
Look out! Swallows!
I'm no great churchgoer, in fact the last time I went was... no, it's gone. But I couldn't resist this plaintive note pinned to a church door in Wales.
For a moment I thought 'Swallows' referred to a particularly unpleasant family who had been barred by the vicar for causing trouble during the service. Perhaps defacing hymn books; carving their initials in the back of the pews; overly aggressive praying. Or, and this was a particular bugbear of the headmaster at my school... spitting.
But hey dumbass, I thought, these are birds. You know, feathers and shit, innit.
So it looks as though squadrons of them had been bombarding our helpless rev as per Tippi Hedren in "The Birds". Perhaps even during his sermon.
REV: So therefore, following the example of St Paul, we must look deeply at ourselves, into ourselves and... who let those fucking swallows in? They're shitting in the font! Bastard cunts!"
I felt the least I could do was go inside and have a look round, maybe drop a quid in the organ fund box.
Don't recall shutting the door on my way out though.