Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I have an announcement to make

Those running our public 'transport system' never seem to tire of deluging passengers with messages.

Here's a sample from my varied modes of transport this morning...

"Owing to the late running of the service in front, this tram will be terminating at the next stop." Oh, thanks.

"Please stand well back from the yellow line when the train enters the platform."

"This is your guard speaking. If you see anything suspicious please tell me or a member of the on-board staff. If you require my assistance, I can be found at the centre of this eight-car train."

"On alighting from this service, please take care to mind the gap between the train and the platform."

"Please ensure you have all your belongings with you when you leave the train."

"Passengers using Oyster Pre-Pay please ensure you touch in and touch out or you will be charged the full price fare for your journey."

"Oyster Pre-Pay is not valid on this service."

"Please do not give money to beggers operating at this station. South West Trains gives a donation to various charities on your behalf."

"Due to signal failure, severe delays are occuring on the Uxbridge branch of the Metropolitan Line."

"Any unattended articles will be removed and could be destroyed."

"For reasons of safety, bicycles are not allowed on this service."

"Please move right down inside the carriage."

"Flash photography is not permitted on the Underground."

"Thank you for travelling with South West Trains."


Anna said...

I think the obscurist announcement I've ever heard was last year. It went like this:
"Could anyone who is carrying a bat with them please contact of member of Underground staff, thank you."
After several baffled looks were exchanged in the carriage I was sitting in, the driver spoke again.
"Hello. As some of may not know, several of our Underground staff have recently taken up tennis, and are looking for batting partners, so if anyone is interested, please don't hestitate to contact one of us at your station platform."

Martin said...


I thought you played tennis with a racket.

Nice to see LU staff concentrating fully on their jobs, as usual.

Anna said...

That's what I thought. When he said bats, I imagined crazy folk running around with baseball bats and thought maybe I should get off the train.
And of course, they're always concentrating on their jobs. That's why the trains always run on time and it's such a joy to use.
By the by I have my own blog if you want to see it, it's at nowthatsodd.blogspot.com